This week Trixie meets special guest star Daneerys Targarden, from Game of Thrones, and talks about vegetables, Karen Carpenter and bricklaying…
Click here to watch this comedy podcast on YouTube, featuring special guest from Game of Thrones, book reviews and advice on fashion, lifestyle and health and fitness.
Welcome to the T.T.T. , Trixies Tiny Taverna.
And first, this weeks news.
In America the latest diet craze is sweeping the nation. Air-munching, filmed here, is taking hold of young and old.
I tried it myself for 2 days, but then I felt very light headed, and returned to munching food.
Love; This week I pay tribute to the beautiful Karen Carpenter, and Chas from the comedy duo, Chas and Dave.
We all had a wild night of passion in 1971 after the Gwen Guthrey music awards, drinking Tequila slammers, and NiQuil.
This is a sample of the song I believe Chas recorded with Karen that night, I myself love it.
(plays spliced together mix of their songs – “Heartbreaks and Promises, got my beer on the sideboard ‘ere, we’ve only just begun, to rabbit, rabbit…”)
Now for emails –
A 42 year old Stan Knobby, of Mansfield, Nottingham asks;
Do vegetables grow in plastic bags all over the world?
Well, here in poverty-stricken rural Spain, where I do my charity work, the peasants actually grow their vegetables in real soil.
I was actually eating these veg myself, until I found out the composition of the soil. It’s made from all kinds of poo and corpses.
(picture of some poo, and some skeletons)
So, I’ve gone back to plastic bags. Here is a locally grown vegetable
( holds it up)
All it took was 15 gallons of local water, fetched twice a day by hand, and 3 broken spinal discs in the back
of the man that grew them.
I hope this helps Mr Knobby
I am only reading out one e-mail this week, as it’s a special episode.
I am very excited to be able to say, that here at the T.T.T. today, I have a guest –
-Danee-ree’s Tar-garden, from The wonderful Game of Thrones.
-How do you like being one of the world’s best known characters?
D – “It’s awright, gets me loads of juicy scran, and plenty of hole. You wouldn’t believe the amount of cock I’ve had since I’ve been on the set”
(D pulls a chicken out, while a cockerel noise plays).
(D grabs his crotch, drinks some beer, opens his mouth and does a giant belch.)
-Honestly, I wish all my viewers were here just to see the uncanny resemblance. Well I can say I am totally smitten with her as Delores Stinkborn Tagnut. May I touch your leg?
(D shrugs his shoulders, sticks his leg straight out. As Trixie rubs it, D lets out a big long fart. Trixie acts as if nothing has happened, smiling at the camera)
So, now it’s over to our real live phone-in –
“Hello, the name’s Tim Tremble. Are the dragons real?”
(D tuts, swears, leans over and cuts the phone off)
“Hello, Daisy Roadkill from Rochester here. What’s the best thing you’ve done as Danee-ree’s Tar-garden?
D – “Well, I shagged a dwarf, and made a new hole in a few people”
“ disgusting!…” (she hangs up)
“ Orl-right? This is Dave Smith, from Romford in Essex. I’d like to know, is that your real hair?”
D – “Yes, but I tie it up when I’m bricky-ing”
“Ooh! Nice, and how long would you say it is?”
D – “About 21 inches”
“Whooo, yep that is well impressive, mate.“
-Thank you, to all our callers. That’s all we have time for.
So, Dee, do you do every occasion dressed as your character – Delilah Stinkbomb?”
D – “I’ll go to the opening of a crack if you pay me”
-How does it feel to be chased down the street?
D – “I don’t wear the costume all the time, I’m a bricky.”
-Oh my! How much to repair a wall?
D – “It depends…”
-It’s a very small job, round the back. Just a case of filling the hole.
(Trixie leans into him) We’ll discuss it afterwards…
-Well, today the only book review is from Genghis, would you please sign it for me?
(Trixie hands it to Danee-ree’s Tar-garden, who signs and hands it back)
-How did you like my book – Facebook Blues?
D – (burps), “Well, I loved it. The emotional pull towards the characters, the easy flow, and what happens next, is staggeringly brilliant. I couldn’t stop laughing. Sensational, and in my top 10 books”
(Trixie smiles, leans forward and kisses him, while rubbing his leg)
-Over to last weeks question: How thin is too thin?
Well, if you look like this on the dance floor, ladies, you are showing way too much bone.
(Video of skeleton dancing.)
This answer is from 16 year old Levi, from Milton Keynes, who simply says –
My friend is so thin, she can post herself. I think this is too thin, although I would have to say, that everyone has a different size box.
Ms. Ivy Turncoat says; – My friend is so thin I often lose her, and end up going home alone. I inevitably find her later, stuck to my clothing or shoes.
A Mr Peter Frump, says he likes a skinny woman, as he is 6 foot 3 inches tall, and weighs 7 stone, that’s 44 kilos.
He says his girlfriend is about the same height, and weight, and they strike an impressive couple, often causing people to stare.
-Well it’s a passionate subject, I think you’ll agree.
And to this weeks question; – What is the best make of car to cavort in?
I’d like to thank todays guest, (clapping), and I’ll meet you round the back in a moment.
I’ll see you next time, remember to laugh and love, we must ALL care for each other.
Today’s show was bought to you by Dry Tunnel Thrush Cream, for the concerned lady.
(Dry Tunnel Logo)
(music plays out)
All of Trixie’s videos can be found at Trixie Bloom’s YouTube channel
Trixie Bloom is the author of Facebook Blues, a high camp comedy with fifty shades of funny. http://amzn.to/2vhrruC
and, Trixercise – a parody on exercise and diet –
Find out the latest at http://trixiebloom.com